Couple

"Homo, I finally reconciled with who I am"

Pin
+1
Send
Share
Send

Homo and in love! For Stéphane, 36, it's obvious. However, his doubts initially led him on side roads, sometimes at odds with his values.

Valérie Péronnet

My brother is the first person to whom I confessed my homosexuality. I was a teenager. He said something like, "So what? I do not care, it's your life! "A few years later, when I announced it to my mother, she told me that she had known it for a long time and asked me what I wanted to eat for lunch. My father learned the news with curiosity and concluded that it would be a good opportunity for him to discover a world he did not know.

I have friends for whom "coming out of the closet" was a drama and their parents screwed up outside. I, fortunately, escaped that because I have an intelligent and loving family. But what I needed was to talk about it. And neither I nor they knew how to go about the subject, for a simple reason: they knew nothing about homosexuality and me either.

"I thought that big love was not for homosexuals"

So I managed on my own. I typed "3615 JH" on my Minitel and I found dirty guys happy to offer some fresh meat. After our meetings, I spent hours in the bathtub stripping myself to the blood, asking myself how I was going to endure that all my life. I discovered, too, what I thought to be irremediably condemned: the glaucous bars, the places of sinister drag, the brutal and disgusting porn ...

Me, I was a romantic young man, musician since always, tender delicate, who dreamed of great love. And, the big love, I thought it was not for gays, evidence to support: not a song, not a movie, not a soap opera, not a novel to tell Romeo and Jules, or any what a story of two men who love each other as much as my parents, and who end their lives together, happy and serene. At the time, the only great classics were Charles Aznavour singing "I'm a homo as they say" or Jean Poiret and Michel Serrault in La Cage aux Folles - Jean Poiret's play (1973) adapted to the cinema by Édouard Molinaro (1978) -: to say that I had trouble identifying myself ...

I started my life as a man in this desperation, looking for a girlfriend that I loved a lot and made my feelings unhappy that I was sure I could never find a lover.

And taking care of the best that I could of my wonderful mother, eaten away by a bad cancer.It was because he was talking about the disease that I read Hervé Guibert's books: I needed so much to understand how to fight against him ... He was talking about his fight against AIDS. But he also told the crazy love, flamboyant, powerful, devouring. Homosexual. I was 20 years old and I finally discovered that, maybe, I too would have the right to love ...

Pin
+1
Send
Share
Send