Family

How to help my companion accept my son?

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My spouse can not stand my 4 year old son anymore. Yet he himself has a 3 year old daughter, and we have another 4 month old child together. I do not know what to do anymore ... Manon, Tours

Claude Halmos

Psychoanalyst

answers

It's hard for me to answer you, Manon, because you give me no indication of this situation. But it can have multiple causes. It may be due to a difficulty that your companion has to be in relation to your son. In recomposed families, in fact, conflicts can arise because a child, jealous of the new spouse - who occupies with his mother or father the place that he subconsciously dreamed of occupying himself - rejects it. and makes sure to put it, at the educational level, in check. If the new spouse takes the attitude of the child in the first degree and does not understand that this child needs help (by putting him - firmly - in his place), he may suffer (especially if the child parent of the child does not intervene) to the point of putting himself, as in mirror, to reject it.

But it may also be not the real child that your son is, but what he represents. It is indeed the living proof that you had, before your current spouse, a love life. But some men (as some women) do not support that those they love have had before them other loves. And they often settle in a pathological jealousy with regard to the previous spouse. A jealousy that leads them to questions that may come to obsess them: "He was perhaps more powerful than me?" "She was perhaps more beautiful than me?", Etc. You should, Manon, try to talk to your spouse to understand what he is experiencing. And it should especially talk to your son to explain the situation and rejection he can not understand and is violent for him.

Also read ==> Becoming a father-in-law

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