I'm 44, I'm in therapy, more or less regularly, for 13 years and bulimic for almost as much. I make collages in times of intense anxiety or when the drive is felt, for ten years. The design of the collages is compulsive and always as if in a second state. I really discover my collages the next day and I am horrified by what I create ... There is plenty of meaning, things to discover through the interweaving of images but their real and symbolic meaning escapes me ... I was beaten during my childhood and the question of incest was raised in therapy. But I can not answer because I do not remember anything ... I would like to interpret my collages that seem to tell me things. I showed them to my last psychotherapist but she did not tell me anything by returning my notebook, she had kept a week! Can I show my images to a therapist other than the one following me, to have me "translate" or interpret my images? I can not get past my bulimia-vomitive. I still do not know why I chose this way of expressing my pain. I still can not detect what triggers me. I am absent to myself in these moments, I do not live in my body, I do not feel anything, as anesthetized. I am sure that links could be made between my behavior and the past. It is a real torture to live with this filthy secret that eats my life ... It's the case to say it. If not, do you think hypnosis can help me find answers by going back to my past?
Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist
It seems that at times, when you are very anxious, you go through a state of dissociation (this is what we call this state of disconnection with oneself that you describe so well) and it is in this state that you do your collages or that you have bulimia.
So that afterwards, your artistic production seems foreign to you.
You think that this production could teach you a lot about yourself, about this part of you that would be hidden from you, and that if you discovered your own secret, hidden deep within you, you could perhaps heal .
Certainly, the interpretation of your drawings can be exciting and you learn a lot about your story, your fantasies, your fears and your hopes. But it is not certain that this will allow your healing.
I propose another way of looking at you: it is the intensity of your anxieties that leads to your state of dissociation, and your bulimiae are a means that you use to keep these anxieties at bay, as well as your work. collages.The therapies that could best help you progress: EMDR (neuro-emotional integration therapy by alternating bilateral stimulations): // www. emdr-France. org /
Emotional cognitive-behavioral therapies: www. AFTCC. org